I want Gods presence too!

The confession ?? I want Gods presence back in my life?? I just read read really covers my confession, almost perfectly. Except when I sin I totally do it on purpose, even on church days. I know I deserve punishment, and ??Boy!!?? do I get it!!! But I want to restart up my life. In all honesty, I don?t really feel truely repentant I don?t know why! I wish I could feel different sometimes, not so hardened. In addition to the before mentioned confession, I have problems with p,  and stealing drugs. God Help!!!! forgiveness to start my life over would be appreciated too!