i feel so bad my husband chet me

I feel so bad on myself bec i am ugly and fat that’s why my husband cheat me he love his exgirlfriend now and lie to me all the time i wanna live him but i love him a lot more then my self i can not talk with anyone my problem and its in my maind all the time I don’t know why god makes us ugly ? i alredy give him 3 chance but next time the same happned i am just gona live him so he can enjoy his life with beutiful women or exgirlfriend i dont know where i am gona go

probably i am gona die bec i can’t live without him i love him a lot but i think he doesn’t me i wnna cry but i cant he heart me a lot i always told him i can share everything with somebody except my husband and i show him my love all the time i hug him when i see him and kiss him a lot almost 25 to 30 times a day I love to make him happy but i think he dont understands me or my feeling thats why his going with someone else and i seen his mail too he write he miss his exgirlfriend a lot and when his in bed he thinks ex g f with him bec its too cold at night so when i seen my bed those line in my mind before i to spend time in my bedroom or bed but now when i go in my bedroom i remember those line

and I feel i am burning inside but i can i told him all this he don’t belive me and i dont wanna heart his feeling again bec i fight him when i find out all this and we traying to have baby but i don’t get pregnant so i feel so bad thats all my foult thats why he dont love me i am gona wait for 1 year if i dont get pregnet i am gona give him devorce and tell everybody i have some problem in my body that’s why i don’t give him baby so my family don’t force me to get married again bec i don’t want to think about someone else …

then 3 months i am gona finished myself so nobody can blem him i dont want he gets truble or somebody talk bad about him so i deside all this but i can not sare my feeling with somebody else ple god help me show me the right way to go