God, I’m so screwed up.
These past few days, I’ve been intimidated by specific issues in my life.
They piled up to the point where I said things I never thought would come out of my mouth.
Things, rebuking you (in spite of my anger) and denying that I loved your gifts and that I didn’t a certain another thing.
God, if people heard these things I said, they’d hate me forever.
I had treated you sh!!!t, too – because I hadn’t dedicated my Sundays to you lately.
Partially because I forgot and partially because I needed to use the computer for homework (and…chatting) I don’t know how you would respond to me.
I feel the prodigal son, and Peter, and anyone else who denied you despite being under pressure.
I always try to make up, but to me it doesn’t last.
I never seem to change.
I always fall back.
I’m venting to you now because I thought I ought to.
I’m sorry, God.
Basically, you’re the only one I could hold accountable from now on because sooner or later, people might start getting the stupid idea that I’m a hypocrite.
But God, you made me.
And I DID come a long way, you KNOW that!!! Please, God, forgive me and help me.
I need you, and I miss you.
I don’t want you to treat me a Dad – but a friend. Someone who loves me better than my guy friend and other girlfriends.
I want to keep on experiencing your love, and I want to witness it as well.
You work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes, when I realise what things you did, I get giggly.
I want to be happy, God.
I happy, because I know someone up there really LIKES me!!!!