What have I done?

God, I’m so screwed up.

These past few days, I’ve been intimidated by specific issues in my life.

They piled up to the point where I said things I never thought would come out of my mouth.

Things, rebuking you (in spite of my anger) and denying that I loved your gifts and that I didn’t a certain another thing.

God, if people heard these things I said, they’d hate me forever.

I had treated you sh!!!t, too – because I hadn’t dedicated my Sundays to you lately.

Partially because I forgot and partially because I needed to use the computer for homework (and…chatting) I don’t know how you would respond to me.

I feel the prodigal son, and Peter, and anyone else who denied you despite being under pressure.

I always try to make up, but to me it doesn’t last.

I never seem to change.

I always fall back.

I’m venting to you now because I thought I ought to.

I’m sorry, God.

Basically, you’re the only one I could hold accountable from now on because sooner or later, people might start getting the stupid idea that I’m a hypocrite.

But God, you made me.

And I DID come a long way, you KNOW that!!! Please, God, forgive me and help me.

I need you, and I miss you.

I don’t want you to treat me a Dad – but a friend. Someone who loves me better than my guy friend and other girlfriends.

I want to keep on experiencing your love, and I want to witness it as well.

You work in mysterious ways.

Sometimes, when I realise what things you did, I get giggly.

I want to be happy, God.

I happy, because I know someone up there really LIKES me!!!!