help my thoughts. (you know)

Dear God, You and I both know life hasn’t been easy.

I have done things I know I could never forget.

Things I could never fully forgive myself for.

With that said, I hope that you see me for what I really am, and not what most would think I am.

I honestly think that you see inside me, you see the reasons, whether right or wrong.

You see that inside me, I seen no other choice.

I do think that you know the difference between a man that steals to feed his family and a man that steals for greed.

The law don’t, but you do.

I believe that.

As life goes on for me, I see more and more.

This world is hell.

I don’t understand how you could let things get this way.

Look at how messed up this place is.

It makes me sick, every time I turn on the news its about another missing person or murder.

I’ve got issues.

I am tired of this place.

I am tired of seeing rich people get richer, and poor people get poorer.

Whatever happened to being equal?? God, I have a part of me that is ready to snap.

I honestly think I have two sides to myself, a good, and a bad.

I am very worried about the bad side.

I have got all these thoughts of anger and resentment.

I feel I have ruined my life, despite how good it does get at times, I still find it very hard to be happy.

I know things could get worse, and the more I complain the more I fear you will show me, yet again, that it could be worst…..

But I have to let you know how I feel. I have heard that you don’t put more on us than we can handle.

You must think I am really strong.

That makes me think you have something more planned for me, I just hope I find it before I lose it forever.

I feel close.

I think I am going to do something stupid.

This world needs to know how messed up it is.

People need to pay.

I bet that if that guy that murdered someone knew he would be next, maybe he’d change his mind!!! Maybe the guy that molest a child should be tortured to death publicly and send a message to the others that contemplate it! Maybe the rich should give a little to the poor! If they have 10 million dollars, how much could a blanket hurt  Why does the media only report depression? Will their ratings really because they reported something good today The media reaches so many people, yet they do nothing to change the world!!!! I am sorry for my anger.

I wish I would have seen life from a different angle, but I truly think I see it for what it is becoming.

I have wasted my life trying to find the easy way out, surrounded by environments that left me with two choices, Bad or Worst.

I think if I was with you, I would never have made some of the choices I have made.

Please forgive me.

I hope you can see inside me.

I hope you can feel what I feel.

I hope you understand.

I love you and hope to see you soon! In the meantime, please deal me some pocket aces, give me the one shot I got left to do something I love, something I think I am good at, and something I think could change my life, and in return, change others! I do want to change the world.

But it’s impossible to do without a resource.

Please help me.

Yours truly, Lloyd p.s.

Please help with my thoughts. (you know)