My friends that killed in September 11

A Letter of Apology, Love, and Remembrance

To My Precious Friends, S. and M.,

I write to you with a heart full of sorrow and longing. My dear angels, you will forever be 16—high school students, full of life, innocence, and promise. But the world was cruel, and on that tragic day, you were taken too soon.

I ask for your forgiveness—for the years I spent avoiding what was too painful to face. For too long, I could not gather the strength to visit your families, to stand by them when they needed support, to acknowledge the unbearable reality of your absence. I visited them only weeks after the tragedy, but after that, I disappeared. For four long years, I stayed away, drowning in my own grief, afraid to face theirs.

It is only now, at 22 years old, that I have finally found the courage to come to them again. And when I did, they welcomed me with open arms, with understanding, with love. I wish I had been there for them sooner. I wish I had been stronger. I’m sorry that looking at them reminded me too much of you, that attending memorials made me feel lost and ashamed, that I let my personal mourning keep me from standing beside those who loved you just as much as I did.

This is not an excuse, but 16 is so very young to contend with death. I was too small to carry that grief properly, too lost to find the right way to honor you. But I have grown, and I promise to never turn away from your memory again.

I love you both. I miss you unbearably. Your presence is forever etched into my heart, and I will carry you with me always.

With all my love,
Mary