Why are you making me Suffer

Every day I am reminded that my dog whom i loved for 7+ years, is going to be given away every day is filled with sadness anxiety and more sadness I cannot even smile because i worried i will cry the next moment At this point, i will never choose happiness ever because i am tired of it.

Every time i am happy something terrible always happens Whenever i hear about my dogs I get very bad panic attacks but i cannot show it to anyone because no one believe that i have panic attacks because of “dogs” i am tired of it.

I do no want to give them away. BUT I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING SELFISH AND HEARTLESS.

People around me tell me that i should let them go live a happy life How do i trust that….

No one will take care of my dogs like me. When they keep delaying the adoption i feel happy because i get another day to spend with my dogs.

My grandma says to “dispose” the dogs i hate when she says that but i cannot do anything because my mom is not well i am a studying student and i take care of them.

They say that i cannot handle these all and should agree to give them away.

I dont want to feel bad but i do i cannot escape from this feeling of guilt I cannot give my dear dogs away I don’t want to seem possessive BUT I TOOK CARE OF THEM FOR 7 YEARS i cannot just let them go like that.

People say that i need to let go I CAN NOT LET THEM GO THESE PEOPLE HAVE NOT SEEN ME TAKE CARE THEY DID NOT TAKE CARE OF THEM SO THEY won’t KNOW THE ATTACHMENT I HAVE
I KNOW YOU WON’T SEE THIS BECAUSE FOR YOU I AM JUST ANOTHER COMMONER WITH ANOTHER STUPID SADNESS THAT CANNOT EVEN BE SOLVED.

I AM SAD. I KEEP TELLING EVERYONE I AM FINE I AM NOT.
i am tired of this…
please dont take m dear dogs away i dont think i can handle it 🙁
Nowadays, I am even afraid to smile..for it will be turned into sadness
this is not going to be seen by anyone If anyone does see this
hello have a nice day or night i hope you have nice life filled with happiness i pray for YOU!
written on may 17th of 2023