God life been so hard lately….
The first year we’ve had, ever since I knew you it was wonderful though it was hard. Yet very fruitful. So many ups and downs, We’ll mostly down due to my lack of trust, worries and anxiety.

Debt was all around the corner.
and every due date there was help comes but it was a loan, Reason for my loan pilled up. All I know those opportunities was from you to save me. Cause you know how suicidal I was. I tried to put up a business but it wasn’t for me. We’ve done everything we could to somehow use it for a bigger purpose but all went down to nothin’.

Now, I was thinking was it really from you? Cause that lead me today to my death. I can no longer pay for anything. I have family to feed, and son to send to school.

Before I can really feel you presence around me, Now God were are you.
I know its you who called me on this purpose of worshiping you . When I don’t believe in anything before.

I was captivated by this verses:
Once save, always saves.
Asked God in all will be given through Christ Jesus.
When God is all you have, You’ve got all you need.. etc..

But now? God where are you I can feel you presence on every christian movies, testimony from different people, on the wins and elevation on each persons life, pastors, and Christian musics.
But not in me, not by my side.

I know that all of my courage, strength, endurance, wisdom and knowledge came from you. Now that I can’t feel you? I don’t know how to move forward.

I am not really included to those people whom you protected?, Don’t you have any plans for me? Whats my purpose?.

Am I really a bad person? why? did I kill someone? why is it always me has to suffer? Why do they have all their needs? even wants, they have it. at the same time I do believe they are a good believers in your name.

I’ve got a lot of questions in my mind. But none of those was answered. I know the answers and I know you words. Why can’t I apply it on myself? why do I feel like those messages are not for me?.

I know you God, I have faith in you and I believe that it is only you who can help me. Reason for my faith, Cause I can’t do this anymore. All of my burdens are included on this letter you can have it now. I don’t want it, I cant fight this battle anymore.

This time God I not still losing hope of 1 day miracle in my life. But God if I cant make it anymore? you know I’am not your stronger warrior. Please look out for my Son and Husband. Please lead them, make them feel you presence, and let them know you.

I see you Glory, Goodness, Grace and Power in all of the things around me. Hoping I see it and feel it in me. God save me for 1 last time.

In the name of Almighty Jesus I pray. AMEN