- Have you ever had to decide between several options?
- Such a dilemma or junction – small or large, in which they decide what I should do,
- What to choose and feel a little confused about?
- And sometimes even the two options are not something…
- So how do you make the right decision?
- Everyone has their way of making a decision.
Everyone has a different pace in life. One is in a hurry, the other takes time, one is sociable, and the other less so. The pace of the processes we go through is also different. And this is not a coincidence because even the way we make decisions in life is showing ourselves in our lives.
Every day we come across dozens of choices, such as:
Should you travel by car or train? Should I let the driver on the road get in front of me in a traffic jam? What to cook tonight? What to wear? And of course also slightly more complex matters that have a long-term impact on matters in the relationship, in front of the children, at work, and between myself. It could be a single white mother who wants to enlist inside me and she does not know whether to sign and approve him or convince him not to go inside me because he is an only child. Deciding between 2 business opportunities, whether to remain self-employed or return to being an employee, whether to give another chance to the relationship I am in and more and more.
So what is the difference between a choice and a decision?
A decision in the English language is to decide, which means to decide. That is, to cut from… to disengage from… a decision is one, and the choice has at least 2 options and even more: i.e., option A and option B.
If we chose option A and did not decide it means that we did not cut option B and therefore it will still remain in the background. Such an example can be seen in workplaces. When faced with a not-so-simple challenge to crack, some people will choose to retire before giving it a chance. Do you know the feeling when a little hard – to give up? For example, I started a new business, and I could not take off. This fact does not indicate my failure or what it means to me, and does not always have to give up and give up.
Forgive or not forgive?
I chose to forgive someone who hurt me. I chose and did not decide. I have not cut or disconnected from the other option, which is full of pain and resentment, so it is not absolute, and I am exposed, meaning it can continue to affect my life and delay me in all sorts of circles because I did not really do root displacement but only a blockage. And yes, it’s a process that is not always done in one moment, but it’s an essential step in moving forward in life and starting with a decision and understanding to forgive ourselves because, from that point, we start.
So how do you stop hurting yourself and make a decision and get out of the mess?
Most people tend to think in narrow terms of “yes” or “no,” while in practice they can present themselves with a wide range of different and better options.
A person who is in financial difficulties has to decide whether to return to live with his parents or take a large loan from the bank, the family, etc. 2 options that are both not something, and in any case, their strengths are different from each other.
How do you decide between several options?
First, write down the options available to you. Yes, even those you know are not right for you, like doing nothing and seeing what happens. This is also an option. If you feel confused confusion change the atmosphere and leave the room, or you decide to postpone the day or time you set in advance for the decision. Give yourself a moment to breathe and contain the confusion, but set a goal until when.
Listen to intuition and what I feel is right for me to do. What the gut feeling shows me. But, notice the difference between intuition and instinct. When we make a decision, we should ask ourselves if it comes from habit or fear or if it is a clean gut feeling that does come from intuition.
If we grew up in a safe environment, our natural tendency would probably be to trust people. If we are hurt a lot in life, we will be more careful, and there will be some fear that can distort the rationale as well. Because in this state, our emotions may take over the possibility of deciding. This emotional involvement is high and creates an atmosphere of uncertainty. For fear of failing, this is a kind of ‘trap.’
Decide in 3 seconds – make a decision quickly without fear of trusting ourselves.
Stop asking why and make a table for and against. Stop arguing with reality and change the way you speak how. That is, what are the options before me? But before you start making a table with pros and cons, do some research and learning so that you have all the information you need for what is worthwhile and why it is not worthwhile. If necessary, consult a professional, coach, or people you trust. Note that this is not related to the length of pros or cons considerations in the table but to the quality, weight, and impact on your life. Sometimes on paper, there are all the reasons in the world not to do something like not leave a job that knows me, But I have no self-realization, and I wake up every morning frustrated. Or the only benefit found in the table is that I have a second grader who needs me every day at home, and then that reason actually swallows everything.
Get in the other’s shoes – Get in the other’s shoes and think you are advising a friend. Write down on a page what you would tell him.
You got wings – imagine you have wings, and you are a bird flying up, and you see precisely the junction you are at. The advantage is that you can also see a few meters ahead where it branches off. When you are in a situation, you cannot see beyond a few meters. The ability to observe from above allows us to see the ways of the choices before us, what the goal is to imagine what it will look like at the end and what the finish line is.
Four questions to strengthen the decision
What are the four questions you will ask yourself that will make you feel more whole with the decision?
- How much do you want this decision? From 1-10, How does it feel to you?
- Will the decision advance me to my goal? What is my goal anyway? This is the endpoint I want to get to in a particular matter. For example, if I have a dilemma about the relationship, I want to reach the end of the process with a feeling of peace, tranquility, love, and joy.
- What is the price – does every decision have a price? Because the decisions we make not only affect life on a practical level but also build our identity. For example, if we decide to break up a family, we will be divorced/separated, and if we change jobs, we will make the status of employee or self-employed. And remember, if we do not decide, life will decide. It’s for the procrastinators among us. Who prefer not to face life-making decisions or postpone them until the deadline. Last-minute postponement leads to decisions made out of pressure and not in a logical way, often without enough time to explore more options.
- What is the benefit – what will we gain, and how will my decision affect my life?