Things I said I’d never do…

and things I couldn’t even conceive of others doing I have now done. I am only 23 but I feel old and weary.

God help me stop numbing my pain and give me the strength to feel it and admit that I am hurt. Admit that I am broken and only you can fix me.

I have slept with more men than I can count. I abuse my sister’s trust by living in her house and lying to her about my lifestyle and my choices. I’ve gone from alcohol and pot to pills to ecstacy and meth to coke and heroin cocktails and I’m afraid I’ve gone too far now to get back.


My parents are scared for me I know. But I can’t go back there. I have failed. I was supposed to be the smart one…Where are you God?

Why do I do these things I hate.

Please help me to cut M off. He’s just using me for pills and I’m feeding his addiction because I want to be near him. It’s sick.

Do I just love him because he’s famous? Show me what love is.

Show me how to love YOU. Please. I want to know before it/s too late.

Last Forgiveness

Last Confession

letter to God