Great, another new addiction

Yeah, that’s right—I’ve picked up a new addiction.

After finally breaking free from drugs, alcohol, women, and tobacco, I’ve found myself falling into something else—
I’ve picked up pornography, and now it’s become a struggle I face almost every week.

I don’t like it.
I know it’s wrong.
But there’s this inner tug-of-war—what I call duality.

One moment I’m in church, praying and seeking You.
The next, I’m falling back into sin.
Then I’m volunteering or trying to help someone, as if trying to cancel out the wrong with some good.
It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. It’s real.

This habit started about a year ago, off and on.
Now, it’s become a routine—one I desperately want to break.

God, I know this isn’t Your plan for me.
But sometimes, if I’m being real, it feels like You’re slow to meet my needs.
Sometimes, I feel like You’re silent… uninterested… distant.

And that silence?
It’s heavy.
It makes me wonder if You’re really listening.
It’s what makes me give up on You in certain areas of my life.

But deep down, I don’t want to give up.
I want to believe You care.
I want to change.
I want You to show up—not just in my victories, but in my brokenness.

So here I am, Lord.
With my flaws.
My failures.
My addictions.
And my hope—no matter how small it feels right now.

Please forgive me.
Please help me.
Please help anyone else who feels like I do—stuck, ashamed, and unsure if You still care.

God, are You listening?
If You are—please answer.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.