Bad since day 1

I know that I am going to hell in a hand-basket and don’t want to go, but I have to get this off my chest because it has been killing me for more than 6 years.

5 days after getting home from my honeymoon, I had sex with my ex-girlfriend and never told her I was married.

She found out a few years later, and thanks to the great internet, she found out and had a baby with my wife.

I came up with a convoluted lie and told her I did it through a female donor.

She believed me, and the thought is eating me on the inside because if I told her, she would just die because, for years, I lied to her and told her that I would never have sex with anyone except her. I did it because she has very low self-esteem and she would attempt suicide as she has in the past.

She could not bring me to tell her the blunt truth and kept her around for years because she is the best sex partner ever, but that is all she has going for her.

She is not the brightest person, took her more than 15 years to get her BS degree, she can’t complete any task in life, is very materialistic, thinks the world owes her everything and speaks as if she has a 5th-grade language skill.

She is a few fries short from a Happy Meal and decided to keep it inside for years. My wife is not the very best person either, and I have contracted herpes simplex virus from her, and she has completely let herself go.

She gained more than 60 pounds and not doing anything about making an effort to lose the weight. So I resorted to an online site and met an amazing woman who is not happy in her own home we are both doing the wrong thing, and we both know it.

I am doing this because I lack affection at home, no sex, everything is an argument, and she is a complete mess, she doesn’t cook, or clean, and has no clear sight of things getting better.

Got 2 kids and sucking it up for their well-being because I can’t see them being brought up alone by their mother because they will require therapy later on in life, and don’t want them growing up in a single-family home.

I pray that I am forgiven for transgression against my ex and wife.