Hello father, recently I’ve been upset with you and mad at how my life has been going.

No matter how hard I prayed, the effort I put the tears I shed, the pain I carry, it’s simply not enough for you. I’ve prayed countless times, believed countless times, hoped countless times but nothing happened actually always nothing happens. It’s just been getting worse. I watched a priest yesterday talking about how you have to put effort, even if it’s a little bit, and god will do the rest no matter what, he told a little story, but my question is, what if I put everything within me and still god didn’t do anything?

Why me? It’s like god can’t let anyone down except me. He can’t let anyone suffer but me. He cares for everyone’s hopes, dreams, feelings but me. The truth is that I feel that god left me a while ago. For the longest time I tried to put this feeling behind my back but no matter what my situations always prove me right, indeed god did leave me.

But leave me for who, leave for what reason. I’ve been so mad at god that I can’t talk to him, I can’t pray, I can’t read the Bible. I’ve asked countless times to let him open my eyes and let me see a glimpse of what he’s doing, to dream of him, and to do anything to keep me going, but you guessed it every time I’m let down. My parents always talk to me about how they’re done with life the problems that they have the issues that they carry. My mom is always in a horrible mood which also puts my dad in an equally horrible one.

People talk bad to my parents and it makes me extremely upset because they are the sweetest I’m the oldest child and I carry an insane amount of responsibility that carries into my school work, mental health, relationships. I don’t know why I’m telling his this he knows already he knows everything and you’re still not doing anything about it. It’s been 12 years god 12 whole years without you doing anything to my family not a better job, not a house, not a single opportunity for us to take to at least enhance our way of living, but there’s definitely fights, heartache, hatred. I’m tired of listening to people tell me oh god is listening to you, god hears you, god is working on you, believe, don’t give up. I’m sick and tired of these words that get me no where I’m tired and I need your help. I’m absolutely lost and exhausted I’ve given everything in me god everything and I simply have nothing else to give. I want to see change to notice anything, anything god. I want to know you’re here and you’ve never forgotten about me.

Actually I need you here. There’s so much I want to say and you know it all but I’m to tired to speak. You need to come and help me because I’m done god I’m genuinely done. I’ve tied everything I’ve tried looking where I went wrong and I apologize for anything I’ve done wrong without me knowing but I can’t seem to find out why you left.

Why did you forget about me? Do you not love me anymore? Am i not worth it? Am I a lost cause? Why? I want to be close with you again bring me closer help me through this trial but actually help me show me your presence. I don’t know what more to say. Forgive me god if I’ve done anything wrong that I don’t know of.

Forgive me and help me.