I have been married for 38 yrs before

I have been married for 38 yrs before I got married (while dating he hit me many times but being fearful I continued being his partner.

I left my island and came to North America when I left we were not on speaking terms. (He has always had other women while with me) Anyway, he visited with a letter of intent, and I felt good so I accepted and a wedding was planned – while planning the wedding and even the night before we were married, he slapped me – the day of the wedding I wanted to say no and couldn’t -of course, we got married.

After he continued to hit me – got pregnant and he still hit me and I never mentioned anything to my family until my daughter was thirteen years old and when she witnessed it she called my parents who came over right away and I still did not mention it to them. (shame and Fear) He became a Diabetic and still cheated on me – the one that really hurt was while I was taking care of his mother who lost a lot from Diabetes he went on vacation with a woman.

When he returned I told him to leave and he is still here – We have not cohabitated in more than 25 years I have moved out of the master bedroom, and because of my grandchildren, we started to communicate 10 yeasrs ago.

This has caused me to commit adultery several times. I have confessed to my priest and it’s been years I have been GOOD but I just met my childhood love, and I fell again, not sexually but I can feel it happening.

I am a very loving – caring – person and I don’t know how long I can stay in this situation but at the same time I am a praying person also.

How much abuse do I have to take?

I am 61 years old and have never been happy emotionally. Troubled and confused catholic.