Where do I even begin?

Maybe it’s best if I just start with a list—for now.

I confess that I’ve been filled with anger lately.
So many things in my life have gone wrong.
So many situations feel out of control.
And in my frustration, I’ve gone back to the very habits I thought I’d left behind.

• My swearing has increased.
• My thoughts have turned darker, more violent, more bitter.
• I’ve turned again to pornography and other sinful behaviors to try to cope.
• And honestly… I’ve developed a nasty attitude toward the world.

I try to be a good man.
I try to live honorably.
But lately, I’ve backslidden hard.

Some of the evil thoughts and actions I’ve had recently are too shameful to even mention.

The truth is…
My spirit feels dark.
My heart feels hard.
And I’ve lost what I used to carry—
My spiritual drive.
My passion to serve both God and others.

It’s like I’ve lost my spiritual mojo—and now, I feel like a shell of the servant I used to be.

But deep down, I still believe.
I still want to return.
And so I cry out to You, God:

Please save me.
Please renew me.
Please give me a fresh anointing.

I may be worn out.
I may be fallen.
But I’m still Yours.

And I know You’re still able.

Amen.